T H E   P R O S   A N D   C O N S   O F   D E A T H

Everyone at one time or another has thought about the good and the bad 
points of death.  For some, they believe that their soul will go to a 
certain place, such as Heaven or Hell, others think that you just sit in the
ground and get slowly devoured by various insects and bacteria.

Well, if you see your death in the near future, here are some ideas to keep 
in mind just before you take your last breath...

PRO: You never have to get up in the morning.
CON: You will never have another good night's sleep.

PRO: You will never have "bad sex" again.
CON: You will never experience orgasm again!

PRO: You will never have to work another day for eternity.
CON: You will never have the opportunity to spend the money
     you have made over your lifetime.

CON: You won't be able to get intoxicated again.
PRO: You will never have another hangover, nor forget what you did
     last night.

CON: You won't be able to kill or attack!
PRO: You won't be a victim of a violent, bloody, painful crime.

CON: No more picking on little assholes.
PRO: Not getting in trouble for picking on little assholes.

PRO: No more being sick or unhappy.
CON: Not being able to get out of things you don't want to do
     because you are sick or unhappy.

CON: No more Deth/Black Metal Music.
PRO: No more Duran-Duran, WHAM!, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, Tina
     Turner, Twisted Sister, Cory Hart and other shit groups.

PRO: Not being worried about being caught for phreaking or hacking.
CON: Not being able to have the fun of being worried about it.

PRO: Not getting burned when you put your hand on the stove.
CON: Not being able to laugh at other people burning their hands on the
     stove.

CON: Not being able to cause general mayhem in your neighborhood.
PRO: Not spending the night in the tank.

PRO: No more fights with your girlfriend.
CON: No more meat when you want it.

CON: Not being able to throw rocks and other harmful objects off tall
     buildings in the city.
PRO: Not getting hit by various objects falling from the sky.

PRO: Not having to get up from your comfortable lounge chair.
CON: Not being able to change the TV to see that porno flick that
     everyone is raving about.

CON: No more Bar-hopping in the city.
PRO: No more knife wounds in the chest.

PRO: No more losing on your favorite game at your local arcade.
CON: No more playing your favorite game at your local arcade.

CON: No more killer concerts, nor any tailgate parties.
PRO: No more wasted money on bad brew or stupid concerts.

PRO: No  bitching mom to nag and pester you.
CON: There ain't one!

CON: No more smoking the ganja.
PRO: No more bad trips.

PRO: No more car insurance and car to take care of.
CON: No more running over innocent pedestrians.

CON: Not being able to discharge a gun.
PRO: No more stay bullets that hit various neighbors working outdoors.

PRO: No more school.
CON: No more beautiful asses gallivanting down the hall.

CON: No more butts.
PRO: No more lung cancer.

PRO: Nobody telling you what to do.
CON: Not being able to tell the boss to "kiss my ass, I'm gone!"

CON: Not being able to laugh at all the sick people.
PRO: Not being able to catch AIDS.

CON: No more beach.
PRO: No more getting cut up by sea shells sticking up in the sand.

PRO: No more Mormans, Indians and any other ethnic or religious group
     you especially hate.
CON: No more pestering, perturbing, bothering, threatening,
     terrorizing your least favorite ethnic group.

CON: No more "Faces of Death" versions.
PRO: No more people complaining how gory, sick and violent the movies were.

PRO: No more enemies
CON: No more friends.

CON: No more computer, modem, games...
PRO: No more telephone, disk, repair, or new hardware bills.

PRO: Not having to go Christmas shopping.
CON: Not getting anything in return.

CON: No more sick jokes.
PRO: No more stupid jokes.

PRO: No more stupid inner city people.
CON: No more cool local people.

CON: No more tight Levis.
PRO: No more itchy balls.

PRO: No more zits.
CON: No more zits to pop on the mirror.

CON: No more sun.
PRO: No more sunburn.

PRO: No more stupid TV shows like Dallas, Punky Brewster, Face the
     Nation, 10 hour religious shows, Love Boat and 1000's of others.
CON: No more cool shows like Miami Vice, Saturday night Live, Simon and 
     Simon, the A-Team (sure), Mission Impossible and a few others.

CON: No more sports (like football with your friends, etc.)
PRO: No more broken hands when someone steps on it with cleats.

PRO: No more pain.
CON: No more inflicting pain.

CON: No more ultimate ecstasy.
PRO: No more premature ejaculation.

PRO: No more 50 below zero winters.
CON: Not seeing people freeze to death in the streets.

CON: No more snow.
PRO: No more getting chased by people because you just broke their
     picture window with an iceball

PRO: No more butthole skateboarders.
CON: Not being able to clothesline em.

CON: No more trips to exotic, far away places.
PRO: No more long, irrelevant trips to nowhere.

PRO: No 1'st day of school.
CON: No last day of school.

CON: No more street fights.
PRO: Not getting caught in the middle of street fights.

PRO: Not having to hear the word "Commodore" again.
CON: Not hearing the word "IBM".

CON: No more 57 person conferences.
PRO: No more 57 person conferences getting cut-off right in the best part.

PRO: Not having to worry about your health.
CON: Not having your health to worry about.

CON: No more friends across the country.
PRO: Not having to talk to the local losers.

PRO: No more Ronald Reagan.
CON: No president to rag on.

CON: No more shrimp, steak, lobster, Big Mac's, Chicken Mcnuggets,
     and other delicacies to eat.
PRO: Not having to eat shit food like at Burger King and other scum Joints.

PRO: Never worrying about what you can hit on the highway.
CON: Not being able to have other people worry about what you throw on the 
     highway.

CON: No more wild parties.
PRO: No more beat parties.

PRO: Not having to dress up in a suit and tie.
CON: Not being able to wear your old Levis and favorite shirt.

CON: No more going 105 down the road in the BMW.
PRO: No more wrapping it around a tree and getting killed (again).

PRO: Not going to your family picnic.
CON: No more free money from all your stupid rich bitch relatives.

CON: Not being able to hack into your local Electric company and
     causing general mayhem.
PRO: Not being able to be caught and thrown in jail.

CON: Not being able to crack new software and distribute it all over 
     creation.
PRO: Not getting your name on the worst game put out this decade.

PRO: Not being able to smell any kind of shit.
CON: Not being able to smell pussy.

CON: Not painting your favorite groups on a large white wall.
PRO: Not having to see others bad taste on the same wall.

PRO: No more stiffies in class looking at the hottest girl in school
     when she's bending over your desk with no bra on.
CON: Not being able to get that same girl after school.

CON: No more cool T-Net systems.
PRO: No more shit net-works systems.

PRO: No more cleaning up your room.
CON: No more finding that $20 bill that you lost under all that shit
     on the floor.

CON: Not being able to tell the Jehovah's Witnesses to get the
     hell off your property when they come to try to tell you that they
     know what they are talking about.
PRO: Not having to listen to their bullshit ethics.

CON: Not being able to inflict fear.
PRO: Not experiencing fear.

PRO: No more school, books and teachers dirty looks.
CON: No more girls, mags and dirty books!

CON: Not being able to go out and pick berries and other fruits off the 
     greenery outside.
PRO: Not wasting time taking shit's or pisses.

PRO: No more brushing your teeth or worrying about cavities.
CON: No more teeth to pick the pussy hairs out of after you ate out a girl.

CON: You can't swim in a pool or the ocean ever again.
PRO: You can't get Chlorine or salt in your eyes again.

PRO: No more shocks when you stick your finger in the electric socket.
CON: No more power to play Megadeth, Merciful Fate, Metallica, Venom,
     Slayer, or other black/deth metal bands at 140 db's.

CON: You can't go to your local nursing home and bother the old people.
PRO: You won't be around to get bothered by kids in a nursing home.

PRO: You won't be wondering your ass off about what stupid foreigners are 
     saying.
CON: You can't give the stupid foreigner wrong directions!