D A V I D   K O R E S H   H U M O R

Q. Did you hear about the new ice cream from Waco?
A. Its called Mount Caramel but it has a few problems.  You have to melt it 
   to get the nuts out.

Q. Have you heard that David Koresh will soon be the "poster boy" for the
American Lung Association? 
A.  He finally quit smoking.

Q. Hey, did you hear Jeffrey Dahmer added a new item to his favourite foods?
A. Koresh Kabob.

Q. What Does WACO stand for?
A1. We Ain't Comin' Out
A2. We All Cremated Ourselves
A3. What a cook out!
A4. We're A Combustible Organization

Q. What are they gonna call the TV Mini-series about David Koresh?
A. "A Match Made in Heaven"

Q. What kind of pants do Branch Davidian's wear?
A. Charred-Ash Jeans

Q. What were David Koresh's Last Words?
A1. "No, Bud Light!"
A2. "Just kidding, I'm not really God."

Q. What do David Koresh and Burger King Whopper have in common?
A. They are both flame broiled.

Q. Why is David Koresh still in the news?
A. Because of his smouldering personality.

Q. What do David Koresh and Richard Simmons have in common?
A. They are both flamers.

Q. Why did Koresh like the Branch Davidians?
A. Because they were such a bright group.

Q. When did the FBI get what they wanted?
A. When KorASH finally went out.

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What is KorASH wearing right now?

  His best Sunday soot.
  Charcoal slacks.
  A smoking jacket.

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Q. What do you call Asian Branch-Davidians?
A. Rice Crispies.

Q. Which Simpsons character is most like David Koresh?
A. Mr. Burns

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The F.B.I. was looking through the remains of the Koresh's compound and
found his wardrobe from the early seventies.

A Blazer and Flared pants.

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Q. Why didn't Koresh surrender to the FBI?
A1. He didn't want to be grilled by authorities.
A2. He didn't want the FBI to give him the 10th degree.

Q. How is the Hindenburg like Waco, TX?
A. Both have flammable compounds in them.

Q. Why did David Koresh have many wives?
A. They made excellent matches.

Q. How do you tell the Branch Davidians at a revival meeting?
A. They're the ones smoking in the corner!

Q. What's the saddest thing about the Waco tragedy?
A. Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold weren't inside the compound.

Q. Why did David Koresh's last manager like him so much?
A. He was a real self-starter!

There's a new restaurant opening up in Waco: KFC - Koresh's Fried 
Christians.

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Q. Did you hear who just stopped smoking?
A. David Koresh.

Q. Why did Koresh burn down the complex?
A. He was keeping up with the Joneses.

Q. How does Koresh like his chicken?
A. Extra crispy.

Q. What did God say to Koresh when he died?
A. "Well done."

Q. How do you pick up a Davidian girl?
A. With a Dust-Buster.

Q. Who cried the most after all the Waco cultists died? 
A. The prospective lawyers!

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Nobody was allowed to quit the Branch Davidians: They were all fired.

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I was just wondering, is it ethical to yell "Branch Davidian" in a crowded
movie theatre?

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Did you hear that Kraft has brought out a new salad dressing?  Its called
Ranch Dividian and it won't come out no matter how hard you shake it.
Did you hear what they were changing the name of WACO to.

Corpus Crispy.

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First they re-enacted Passover, then there was the re-enactment of the
Warsaw ghetto uprising.

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Q. The smoke was black, so David Koresh didn't get to be Pope.
A. But he did get to be a Frier.

Q. What do you call a Branch Davidian With a fire extinguisher?
A. A heretic.

Q. What do you call a Scientologist with a flame-thrower?
A. A copycat.

Q. Why did the compound in Waco burn to the ground?
A. They couldn't put out the fire with their Kool Aid.

Q. Did you hear that David Koresh was a closeted gay?
A. He was flaming, but he didn't come out.


Q. Why don't we have more prophets like David Koresh?
A. Its such a high stress job that burnout is almost inevitable.

Q. What was the most popular name for Branch Davidian children?
A. Ashley.

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The events in Waco could have been foreseen, had anyone in the FBI
understood that David Koresh was encapsulating Jewish history.

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The Branch Davidian Church has split into two sects: Orthodox and 
Extra-Crispy.

NBC found a sponsor for the David Koresh mini-series: Weber Barbecues, Inc.

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How can we avoid future tragedies like the Waco conflagration?
Strict OSHA standards requiring automatic sprinkler systems for all
cult compounds that accommodate 50 or more fanatics.

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After the tragedy at Mt. Carmel on Monday, the Branch Davidians will be
holding a bar-b-que to attract new members.

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Q. How did David Koresh find out he was Jesus Christ?
A. God spoke to him through a burning building.

Q. What do you get when you cross David Koresh and Jeffrey Dahmer?
A. Brunch Davidian (barbecue naturally).

Q. What was David Koresh's favourite breakfast cereal?
A. Crispy Critters!

Q. How is Waco like a Snickers bar?
A. Roasted nuts.

Q. Why is Al Gore so upset with the Branch Davidians?
A. Because of their contribution to global warming.

Q. Did you hear about the tragedy at Waco?
A. Evidently an NBC News crew was trying to move in for a close-up.

Q. Did you hear that David Koresh lost his job as the second messiah?
A. He got fired.

Q. What was David Koresh's last supper?
A. Flaming-young.

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       D A V I D   K O R E S H    F A V O U R I T E S


	  M U S I C I A N S

		Charo

	     M O V I E S

	   Fareignheit 451
	   Towering Inferno
      Last of the Red Hot Lovers
	       Turk 182
	      Backdraft
	     Firestarter

	   H O L I D A Y S

	    Ash Wednesday

	       S O N G

	    Light My Fire
	    I'm Burning Up
	 Great Balls of Fire
	    Eternal Flame
	   Hot in the City
	 You Light Up My Life
	    Blaze of Glory
	    Disco Inferno
       Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
	Burning Down the House

	   A T H L E T E S

	     Arther Ashe